I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
