but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
