So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
