omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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