And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
