be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
