hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
