Betty ford says i'm here all night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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