Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
