oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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