***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's the barista slut.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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