you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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