you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
