Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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