He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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