LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
