the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
