Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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