I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
