I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Vodka?
Forever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
