dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
