Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize