Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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