Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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