Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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