So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
