shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
