ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just invented taco cereal.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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