The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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