im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize