I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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