i barfeds in our rink
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
