Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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