You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
