dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
