that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
