bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
