I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
