Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
