does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
