She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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