no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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