your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
tell me about the eggs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
