Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
