i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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