my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
