I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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