She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
