It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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