wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
