I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
