apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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