why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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