do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
