No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
