so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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