My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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