I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize