Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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