Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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