I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize