I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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