youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
